Why You Feel Like You’re Working Against Yourself (Life and Anxiety)
That push and pull feeling when part of you wants to move forward but something holds you back.
Sometimes it doesn’t make sense. You can be doing everything you need to do, moving through your day, handling things the way you should, but something still feels off.
It’s not always obvious. It’s not always something you can point to. But it’s there.
That feeling usually comes from somewhere. And from my perspective, most of the time it comes down to two things.
Purpose, and/or your nervous system.
Your Purpose:
Sometimes it’s not about what you’re doing day to day, it’s about how your life feels overall. You can be going through your routine, doing what you need to do, but something still feels off.
That’s where purpose comes in. And from my perspective, this is less about what you’re doing, and more about how you see yourself within it.
Over time, especially in a fast-paced world, you start to build an idea of who you should be, what your life should look like, and where you should be by now. That idea doesn’t always come from you. It builds from what you see, what you’re exposed to, and what gets reinforced around you.
So without realising it, you’re not just living your life, you’re comparing it. You might be working a normal job, following your routine, doing what needs to be done, but at the same time there’s a part of you that feels like it’s not enough, like you should be further ahead or doing something more.
It’s not always about wanting something unrealistic. Sometimes it’s just the gap between where you are and where you think you should be.
So now you’ve got two things happening at once… the version of you that’s living your current life, vs the version of you that you feel like you should be… and guess what… they don’t match.
That’s what creates that same push and pull feeling. You’re moving through your day, but part of you feels off, not because something is clearly wrong, but because it doesn’t line up with what you expected your life to look like.
It can come from titles, roles, labels, things that show value from the outside. You might want to be known for something, you might want a certain level of success, a certain position, or a certain identity that feels like it represents you properly.
When you don’t feel like you have that, it creates pressure. Not loud pressure, but something that sits there, and you feel like you’re in between, not where you used to be, but not where you think you should be either.
That’s where it starts to feel like you’re working against yourself again, because one part of you is moving through your current reality, while another part is focused on a different version of your life that hasn’t been reached yet.
That gap is what creates the tension.
Your Nervous System:
The other part of it comes from how your body reacts within your day to day situations. I won’t go into this in a technical way, I’ll explain it in a practical sense.
Your nervous system is how your body reacts to situations. It’s the automatic side of you, the part that responds without you needing to think about it.
When I say your body, I mean your physical reactions. Things like tension, your heart rate, that feeling in your chest, or that sense of being on edge or overwhelmed.
Think of it like a network, information is constantly being sent back and forth through your body. You don’t see it happening but you feel the result of it.
Your nervous system sends information to your brain, your brain processes it, and your mind gives it meaning, which is what you then experience through your thoughts, how you feel, and the behaviour that follows.
But all of that doesn’t just move in one direction. Your body can trigger your thoughts, and your thoughts can trigger your body. That’s why it can feel like it keeps feeding itself.
Want to dive deeper?
I’ve written more about how the brain, mind, and your mental health work if you want to look at that side of it more closely.
When your nervous system reacts in a way that doesn’t match what you consciously want to do, that’s when it starts to feel like you’re working against yourself.
For example, you might feel anxious about something even though another part of you is excited for it. Or you wake up and go to work, but something in you feels like it’s holding you back even though you’re capable of getting through the day.
So now you’ve got two things happening at once, the version of you that wants to move forward, and the version of you that feels resistance, and that’s where the friction comes from.
This is how I look at it:
Say you’ve got a social event later.
Your nervous system reacts first. Before you’ve even properly thought about it, your body responds. You might feel tension, your chest tightens slightly, or you feel a bit on edge. That’s your body reacting automatically to the situation.
Your brain processes what’s happening. It picks up on that reaction in your body and what’s going on around you, whether that’s the thought of the event or something you’ve noticed.
Your mind gives it meaning. You might think, “I don’t feel right about this,” or “something’s off,” even if another part of you is still looking forward to it.
You then experience it. Your thoughts start to follow that meaning, how you feel becomes stronger, and your behaviour might change. You might start overthinking, pulling back, hesitating, or even considering not going.
At the same time, another part of you still wants to go. And then, the feeling of friction/brain fog starts. It’s usually because your nervous system has been shaped by past reactions, so it responds in a certain way automatically, even if your current thinking is different.
One part of you is reacting based on what it’s used to, while another part of you is trying to move forward based on where you are now.
To wrap this all up:
The reason you feel like you’re working against yourself in life, comes back to 2 things (also not limited to): your idea of purpose, and/or your nervous system.
Either your life doesn’t feel like it matches who you think you should be, or your body is reacting in a way that doesn’t match what you want to do.
One is internal, one is external, but both create the same feeling. That push and pull, that sense that something isn’t fully aligned. When that’s there, it doesn’t matter how much you try to move forward, how many positive affirmations you say out loud, part of you still feels like it’s holding you back.
Josh DG.
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Josh DG writes about mental health and self-improvement. He explores the mind, anxiety, and depression, showing why self-improvement only works when mental health is part of the process.
His content is honest and grounded, shaped by experiences rather than distant theory. He understands that when it comes to mental health and self-improvement, what works for one person may not work for another. That belief runs through all of his work, offering perspectives that are real.