How to Support Someone Struggling (Without Having All the Answers)
Most people try to "fix" things when they should just be listening. Here is a practical guide to supporting someone that doesn't involve giving bad advice.
A lot of people think supporting someone with their mental health means knowing exactly what to say, having the right advice, or being able to solve whatever they’re going through.
And to be fair, a lot of people genuinely don’t know how to help. You hear it all the time. “I just didn’t know what to say.” “I didn’t know how to help them.” And that’s valid.
But helping someone doesn’t always mean doing something. It doesn’t always mean solving the problem, giving life advice, or trying to push someone in the right direction.
Sometimes helping someone can be as simple as sitting there, saying very little, and genuinely listening. Sometimes helping someone is taking ten minutes out of your day to understand what someone is carrying instead of trying to move straight into solutions.
And that’s what makes a lot of this easier than people think…
A lot of the time, people don’t need your solutions. They don’t need your life experience. They don’t need your “if I were you…” stories. What they usually need first is your presence.
And the interesting part is, all of this can happen in a two-minute conversation.
How to Support Someone With Their Mental Health Without Making It About You
A lot of people think supporting someone means having the right words, the right advice, or knowing exactly what to do.
Most of the time… it doesn’t.
Support comes down to being present, listening properly, and understanding what someone is actually trying to say before you ever try to help.
When you break it all down, it usually looks something like this:
1. Zone In.
If someone opens up to you, be there properly. Put your phone down. Stop half-listening while scrolling. Stop trying to listen while replying to messages, watching something, or doing three other things at once.
If someone is opening up about their mental health, their stress, or something they’re struggling with internally, they need to feel like you’re actually there.
2. Let Them Vent.
This is where most people get it wrong.
They hear one part of the story and jump straight in with advice, solutions, or “you know what you should do.”
But at this stage, that’s not your job.
Let them talk. Let them vent. Let them get things out without interrupting, without suggesting things, and without making the conversation go in your direction.
3. Don’t Underestimate Them.
A lot of people assume the person opening up hasn’t thought things through, hasn’t tried anything, or hasn’t been strong enough.
That’s a mistake.
You don’t know what they’ve already tried. You don’t know how long they’ve been carrying it. You don’t know how mentally strong they’ve had to be just to get through the week, the month, or even the conversation they’re having with you right now.
Don’t underestimate their resilience.
4. Don’t Tell Someone To “Man Up”.
This happens more than people realise, especially with men and mens mental health.
Someone opens up, shows emotion, admits they’re struggling, or says they’re not coping well, and straight away the response becomes, “You need to man up.” “Get on with it.” “Other people have it worse.”
But that doesn’t help. If anything, it usually says more about the person saying it than the person struggling.
It can come across as self-centred, unaware, and at times even patronising, because you’re judging someone else’s internal world through your own coping mechanisms, your own pain tolerance, and your own way of dealing with things.
You wouldn’t tell someone with a broken leg to go and run a half marathon and expect them to perform like everyone else. So why do people expect everyone to handle emotional pain, stress, pressure, or mental struggles in exactly the same way?
Some people naturally have more mental resilience in certain areas. Some people don’t. One person can sit through an ankle tattoo without flinching, and someone else can’t. One person can pick up a spider without thinking twice, and someone else freezes.
We all have different a different perspective of things. Different struggles or pain points. Different thresholds. Different severity levels. Different ways of coping. Different ways of managing what life throws at us.
5. Don’t Compare (And Don’t Make It About YOU).
This happens more than people realise.
Someone opens up, and straight away the other person starts talking about what happened to them, what happened to their mate, their cousin, their relationship, their anxiety, or their version of stress.
And the conversation shifts.
This moment isn’t about your coping mechanisms, your pain, or your story. It’s about them.
6. Focus On What They’re Actually Trying To Say.
Sometimes people don’t always say exactly what they mean, especially when they’re stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, or emotionally drained.
That’s why listening isn’t just about hearing the words coming out of someone’s mouth. It’s about paying attention to what they’re actually trying to communicate underneath all of that.
How is this situation making them feel? What are they struggling to put into words? What keeps coming up as they speak?
At this stage, you’re still not jumping in with advice or telling them what you would do. You’re there to understand what’s really going on, and more importantly, you actually want to understand it.
7. Productively Engage.
Once you’ve listened properly, once you’ve understood where they’re coming from, and once they feel heard, that’s when you engage back.
Not to take over the conversation. Not to make yourself sound wise. Not to start listing solutions they didn’t ask for.
You engage because now you actually understand enough to support them in a way that makes sense for them, not for you.
And by the way… you STILL might not know what to say or what to do yet. It may take weeks or months of understanding someone or learning how to be there for them.
In the meantime, what you can do is reassure them. Reassurance that they have you in their corner. Not 24/7… not in a way where it affects your own life, but you’re there. Because you want to be. Just like they are for you.
8. Guide The Conversation To A Better Place.
Once someone feels like you’ve actually listened, understood what they’re trying to say, and not made the conversation about yourself, things usually start to feel a little different anyway.
At this point, you’re not trying to act like a therapist or some life coach. You’re not trying to magically solve what they’re going through either.
Sometimes helping someone can be as simple as helping them see things a little clearer than when the conversation first started. Maybe they’ve been overthinking. Maybe they’ve been carrying something on their own for too long. Maybe they just needed to get it out.
Sometimes being there for someone is simply helping them leave the conversation feeling a little lighter than when they came into it.
DO NOT sway the person to the pub or a party. Thats not a better place. That’s called an unsupportive distraction, and it’s probably to serve yourself, not them.
9. Don’t Assume You’re Finished.
Being a good friend, partner, or family member has no use by date.
If this is someone in your life, support usually doesn’t stop there. Support means consistent and grounded care, loyalty, and balance.
It doesn’t mean you have to keep bringing serious conversations up or asking deep questions every day. Sometimes it’s just checking in. Sometimes it’s remembering what they told you. Sometimes it’s noticing when something feels off and being the one who asks if they’re alright.
And more importantly, it’s about getting over your ego or part of your masculinity, to be able to reach out to people when it may feel like a vulnerable or ‘unmanly’ thing to do. It’s also about not being self-centred or selfish.
Unfortunately with a lot of people, sometimes a check-in isn’t really a check-in either. Sometimes “you good?” Or “what you been up to?” just becomes a conversation starter.
Real support is sometimes slowing down for a second, being present in the moment, and asking, “Are you alright… alright?” or “Haven’t heard from you in a while, how are you? How’s things at home? How’s the family?”
That’s when people usually know you genuinely mean it.
Because when someone knows they can come to you without feeling judged, rushed, or misunderstood, that’s where real support starts to mean something.
And when you strip all of this back, it usually comes down to three simple things:
Listen, understand, support.
Josh DG.
More: To better understand the “internal world” someone is trying to explain, it helps to know how the Brain and the Mind process information differently. I break that down here.
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Article written by Josh DG.
Josh DG writes about mental health and self-improvement. He explores the mind, anxiety, and depression, showing why self-improvement only works when mental health is part of the process.
His content is honest and grounded, shaped by experiences rather than distant theory. He understands that when it comes to mental health and self-improvement, what works for one person may not work for another. That belief runs through all of his work, offering perspectives that are real.