Chasing Happiness Is Making You More Unhappy
Why unrealistic expectations and relying on other people for your mood leaves a lot of people feeling unhappy.
If you walked down the street and asked 100 people what they want out of life, a lot of them would probably say one of two things. Money… or happiness.
But when I look at things, the more I think most people (including myself at one point) haven’t actually stopped to ask themselves what happiness even is.
We hear it everywhere. Be happy. Chase happiness. Do what makes you happy. Follow your happiness. Social media sells it. Brands sell it. Influencers sell it. People sell lifestyles, dream lives, expensive holidays, nice cars, relationships, status, freedom, and they package all of it up as happiness.
And I think that’s where a lot of people start getting lost… somewhere along the way, happiness stopped being something people feel and started becoming something people chase.
Why happiness isn’t a finish line
Most of us treat happiness like a destination. Like it’s a place we’ll finally arrive at once we’ve ticked enough boxes. We convince ourselves that life is just a series of hurdles, and once the hurdles are gone, the real happiness begins.
But when you view it this way, you’re always living for the next thing instead of the thing you’re actually doing right now.
1. Happiness Has Become Something People Chase.
Many people think happiness is waiting for them somewhere in the future.
Once I make more money. Once I get in shape. Once I find the right partner. Once I leave this job. Once I move house. Once I build my business. Once I get more followers. Once people finally see my worth.
While goals, ambition, money, relationships, and building a better life absolutely matter, I think a lot of people are attaching too much of their happiness to things outside of themselves.
2. Happiness Isn’t a Finish Line.
I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is treating happiness as though it’s a finish line. Like one day you’re going to wake up, click your fingers, and suddenly everything in your life just feels perfect. No stress. No bad days. No uncertainty. No frustration. No pressure.
That’s not life. You’re not going to reach some magical point where you stay happy forever. Some days you’ll feel good. Some days you won’t. That doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. That means you’re human.
How high expectations quietly create frustration
The gap between how we think life should go and how life is actually going is where a lot of our frustration lives.
We’ve been conditioned to expect constant progress, but real life rarely moves in a straight line.
If we hold onto a perfect image of how things should look, we stop appreciating what’s actually happening in front of us…
3. High Expectations Quietly Create Frustration.
I also think a lot of people become unhappy because their expectations are too high, or because their expectations don’t match reality. That could be relationships, money, career, identity, or even how quickly they think life should be moving.
When the picture in your head becomes bigger than what’s happening in real life, frustration usually follows. Because now you’re not living life for what it is. You’re living life through what you think it should be.
And there’s a difference.
Stop putting your mood in other people’s hands
It’s easy to feel like our emotions are just a reaction to how the world treats us. A cold text message, cancelled plans, or someone acting differently can quietly affect more of our day than we realise.
And without noticing it, we end up handing other people the remote control to our internal state.
4. Don’t Put Your Mood in Other People’s Hands.
Many people don’t realise how much of their mood gets handed over to other people. Someone doesn’t reply. Someone cancels plans. Someone says something you didn’t like. And suddenly your whole mood shifts.
If your mood constantly depends on other people’s behaviour, their replies, or their attention, you’ll always feel emotionally pulled around by things you can’t fully control.
5. Start Measuring Happiness Differently.
I think happiness becomes a lot easier to understand when you stop measuring it as a life goal, and start measuring it day by day.
Not “Am I happy with my whole life?” but “Did I have a good day today?”
Did I laugh today?
Did I learn something today?
Did I get something done today?
Did I show up for myself today?
Maybe happiness isn’t this huge life destination people keep chasing. Maybe it’s found in smaller moments people keep overlooking because they’re too focused on where they think they should be.
Why awareness comes before growth
You can’t change what you don’t notice. Most people are moving so fast, chasing a future version of happiness, that they never stop to look at the patterns in their own thinking, their habits, or the things that keep knocking them off course.
6. Without Awareness, It’s Hard to Know What’s Really Going On.
It’s difficult to feel happier if you haven’t first learned how to become self-aware.
Aware of your thoughts. Aware of your triggers. Aware of your boundaries. Aware of your standards. And aware of what’s happening around you too.
Until you become aware, your vision can stay clouded.
I genuinely believe awareness comes before self-improvement. And in a lot of cases, awareness comes before finding a healthier relationship with happiness too.
Josh DG.
Let me know your thoughts! 🙌
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This article on how chasing happiness can make you unhappy was written by Josh DG.
Josh DG writes about mental health and self-improvement. He explores the mind, anxiety, and depression, showing why self-improvement only works when mental health is part of the process.
His content is honest and grounded, shaped by experiences rather than distant theory. He understands that when it comes to mental health and self-improvement, what works for one person may not work for another. That belief runs through all of his work, offering perspectives that are real.
Visit: https://joshdg.com for more